dont know what to put here

words

yes

things are going well, i think, for the most part.

still figuring some shit out, which should be resolved one way or another soon. I've been given time to heal, and sometimes that's all you need.

I've also found someone to spend time with, who makes me smile and understands me. i hesitate to write about it, as it seems that when I do things then to go wrong and I end up looking like a putzer.

lets just say, I'm happy and my heart feels like it has what it needs. we are both a bit scared, because this is SL and shit comes and goes quickly, but due to this fear I think we will do our best to stave that off.

i dont know really, I'm just rolling with it.

so anyway.

yeah.

lol

words

some things

so you'll notice some posts are gone.

while I am not a fan of deleting posts, I am a fan of starting over.

i am trying my best to refresh and recharge both of my lives and my negativity isnt going to help that.

will I always be a ray of sunshine? no.

can I try harder? yes.

i wont lie and say I havent been hurt, that would be silly of me to try and do. i can say that i am in the process of healing, and while it is slow and steady, it is getting easier.

i cant explain the things I have been through, and i wont name the people who have hurt me. as I process these feelings and emotions I come to the conclusion that maybe I was really only hurting myself, but I'm still trying to figure that one out.

each day i am reminded why I keep logging into second life.

I cant let the few bad memories/experiences overshadow the good ones.

I'm too tired right now to make much sense, but I do know that i go to sleep with a semi clear head and an almost happy heart.

I take what i can get.

Three

So I realize the last few blogs I've posted have not exactly been beacons of positivity. Quite frankly, I wasn't a shining ray of happiness.

Thing weren't okay, so why write as if they are? Keeping up appearances is exhausting enough in my RL and SL, I shouldn't have to do that on all fronts.

However, I realize that some of the content of the blogs was unfair. Mainly because I wasn't saying to the people who hurt me, "oh hai, you hurt me", instead I've been waiting for them to figure it out. Why, you ask, haven't I been saying "oh hai, you hurt me?", because I didn't want to make them feel bad for making me feel bad.

I know. Its fucked. But that's how this brain works.

So while I am not taking back any of the content of those posts, or taking down any of the content, I will conceded that they MAY have been a bit harsh and this AV is going to do a better job of just saying, "I think you wronged me, lets chat mkay."

I'm not saying it will be easy, but it will be whats right.

at least I hope.

three

pornography

Im not going to lie.

I like porn.

When I came to SL sex and the things associated with it hadnt even crossed my.mind. I was shocked to find orgy island and sex island and neva naughty. What were these places! OH MY! And Second Life pornography! Really!? It was all so facinating to me.

Fast forward roughly a year and a half, and I am not only no longer a SL Virgin, I am a SLAG (see http://slagmagazine.blogspot.com/?zx=fb79cbe35b45d8fc) and am now a SL Pornographer. I made my official debut with some, what I like to think, incredibly hot gay (in theme) porn.

I know this topic is hard for some to understand, and might even shock and appaul some, but it is what it is. I am not going to offer any appologies for it or the pictures I take.

That being said, I am going to post a few of my personal favorites. After this post is finished, I am going to mark my blog mature.

Thats your warning that things are going to get a lot less PG.

Enjoy...or not. Your call.

Three

changes

Hi folks.

So I wont bore you with back story.

well, maybe a little

The other day I crated a boy av, I was just going to use him for a picture or two, and be done with him. Something happened when I put on the shape. All the insecurities I felt as Girl Three melted away and I felt like I could finally be myself. I didnt have to worry about being pretty enough, exotic enough, sexy enough or any of the other enoughs I fight with GT. I've only been girl three once or twice since. Its only been a few days, but I feel better about my av than I have in a long while.

I know its going to raise a few questions, so I'll go ahead and cover them here, for the 3 of you who read:

Q. Dude...Wait...What? So do you like girls or boys?
A. In doing this I've had to come to terms with and face my own bisexuality.

Q. So are you a boy or girl IRL
A. I am a girl, very much so. I have no intention of ever changing that fact.

Q. Will you slex me.
A. If you are bling free, prolly

I realize in terms of SL relationships, I am proably finished, but I cant take more heartache and dissapointment, so that is good. I plan to be open and honest and I have no intention of trying to be anything other than what I am. I am Beth, and Beth is THREE and one day Three might have a cock, and one day Three might not. But regardless of whats on the outside, the driver is the same.

And at the end of the day, thats what matters.

so now I give you boy three:



Thanks for listening.

Three

I can has shopping?

Lordy Lordy

RL Payday = Shopping spree in SL

I swear I dropped a boat load of cash at Sn@tch last night and this morning, but totally worth it.

Also picked up a new ttly awsum tattoo at Seven of Henji

mmmm

Also found a reason to wear the Mz's boots from the Bunny Hop hunt.

Oh, and new skin.

I know you are dying for pictures.

Dont worry, I'll share :)







Sigh. Shopping is the cure for what ails you.

ALWAYS

Three

Oh Whats This Then?

I have a SL Blog!?

Really?

/me picks it up and dusts it off

So this blog was started as a reason for me to validate my shopping habits and many MANY changes of clothes during the course of a day.

My Second Life, however, is constantly changing, and I am going to use this blog as a place to vent frustrations, speak about the questions that plague my mind, and may possibly end up as a place for me to emo.

Thats right folks, Three is getting real.

You may or may not like it.

You may or may not agree.

But it is what it is.

More to come.