some things

so you'll notice some posts are gone.

while I am not a fan of deleting posts, I am a fan of starting over.

i am trying my best to refresh and recharge both of my lives and my negativity isnt going to help that.

will I always be a ray of sunshine? no.

can I try harder? yes.

i wont lie and say I havent been hurt, that would be silly of me to try and do. i can say that i am in the process of healing, and while it is slow and steady, it is getting easier.

i cant explain the things I have been through, and i wont name the people who have hurt me. as I process these feelings and emotions I come to the conclusion that maybe I was really only hurting myself, but I'm still trying to figure that one out.

each day i am reminded why I keep logging into second life.

I cant let the few bad memories/experiences overshadow the good ones.

I'm too tired right now to make much sense, but I do know that i go to sleep with a semi clear head and an almost happy heart.

I take what i can get.

Three

So I realize the last few blogs I've posted have not exactly been beacons of positivity. Quite frankly, I wasn't a shining ray of happiness.

Thing weren't okay, so why write as if they are? Keeping up appearances is exhausting enough in my RL and SL, I shouldn't have to do that on all fronts.

However, I realize that some of the content of the blogs was unfair. Mainly because I wasn't saying to the people who hurt me, "oh hai, you hurt me", instead I've been waiting for them to figure it out. Why, you ask, haven't I been saying "oh hai, you hurt me?", because I didn't want to make them feel bad for making me feel bad.

I know. Its fucked. But that's how this brain works.

So while I am not taking back any of the content of those posts, or taking down any of the content, I will conceded that they MAY have been a bit harsh and this AV is going to do a better job of just saying, "I think you wronged me, lets chat mkay."

I'm not saying it will be easy, but it will be whats right.

at least I hope.

three